Monday, July 18, 2011

Kong: The Eighth Wonder Of The World!

While riding the brand new Kong 360 Experience at Universal Hollywood for the first time late last week, I was suddenly hit with an idea for an all new attraction that would give the most famous ape ever to climb the empire state building a new home at Universal Orlando. I call the attraction, Kong: The Eighth Wonder Of The World.

Peter Jackson's King Kong 360

Location: The ride would replace the current Twister experience at Universal Studios in Orlando, and would probably require a bigger show building. With the ride would come a refurbishment of the entire New York area, giving it a 1930's theme (which also fits Revenge of the Mummy better).

Ride Type: A 3-D show, with effects similar to Muppet Vision. The screen would have to be HUGE, maybe half the size of Soarin's, to accomadate the size of Kong.

Guest Experience: The attraction is finally here. The anticipation for the show has been building inside you since the attraction was announced last year, and you now finally have the opportunity to experience it for yourself, and you can't wait. Kong: The Eighth Wonder Of The World is supposed to be an amazing HD, 3-D experience combined with top of the line special effects that puts the worlds most famous ape right in front of your face, and you just know it will be incredible. Walking through the Studio gate, you realize that things in this park have changed. For starters, Hollywood Rip, Ride, Rockit has been hiden behind facades of a Great Depression Era New York, and what was once a representation of a 1980's New York has now also been redone to appear as though you've been sent back in time to the year 1933.

New York as seen in Peter Jackson's King Kong

In the distance stands the majestic Empire State Building, practically begging to be climbed, as the city comes to life around you. Towards the end of the street stands a tall, proud beacon of light, a big, beautiful Broadway theatre, glowing with what appears to be thousands of lights and a marquee that reads, "KONG: THE EIGHTH WONDER OF THE WORLD".
"That's it!", you shout to your friends and family, "That's where we're going!"
You make your way to the queue, which wraps itself through a very ornate and detailed loby of a period-appropriate Broadway theatre. Eventually, you grab your theatre glasses and make your way to a pre-show room, where (similar to the way Christopher Walken is brought to life in Disaster!) Carl Denham's assistant comes from behind a door to prep you for the wonder you are about to witness. After going through a quick saftey speil (no flash pictures, don't put your theatre glasses on until after you've been seated, etc), Jack Driscoll (Adrian Brody) storms into the room warning guests that they cannot go in there, and that everyone's life is in danger. Carl's assistant laughs off the warnings and begins applauding Jack's "acting" as if it's all part of the show, and security carries Jack away. Then it's time to stand behind the yellow line, as your theatre doors open.

Once everyone's been seated (with their theatre glasses on) in the highly ornate and beautiful theatre, the show begins. A first set of curtains open, revealing Carl Denham (Jack Black) at center stage, who sets the premise of the story as our narrator.

Carl Narates the epic tale to an audience

Suddenly, following a big Orchestration, the second set of curtains open behind Carl, revealing Kong: The Eighth Wonder Of The World, chained, captured, and defeated. Natives then storm the stage, dancing wildly and chanting, "Kong! Kong! Kong! Kong! Kong! KONG!," as the ape just sits there. Suddenly the chanting stops, and then a "SHREIK!" of terror. Natives from off stage drag a blonde-haired damsel in distress to an alter, where she will be offered to the "ferocious beast". Screaming the entire way, she catches Kong's attention, and we see hope come to his eyes as he begins to wonder if perhaps this blonde could be Ann Darrow...that hope is short lived though, and that hope quickly turns to anger as Kong begins grunting. Some more theatrics go on while Kongs arms are lifted and he's made to look fierce and as though he's about to snatch the damsel in distress. Suddenly, our hero, the very famous Bruce Baxter (Kyle Chandler) swings in on a rope to save the day. He fights off natives, makes his way to the alter, and rescues our blonde-haired beauty. The audience erupts in Applause! As we begin to see more and more annoyance filling Kong's face, he begins grunting and growling and thrashing his chains around.

"Nevermind the Beast," Carl reassures us. "These chains are made of the finest and strongest steel in the world. There's no way he can escape!"

The audience lets out a sigh of relief, just as Baxter and our damsel pose for pictures in front of the extremely angry ape. Photographers rush to the stage, taking flash pictures as Carl rushes to stop them.

"You'll anger him! Stop! STOP," Carl warns.

But Carl's too late. Kong's finally had it! He begins thrashing so violently and growling so loudly many of the actors begin clearing the stage in terror! Carl trys reassure everyone that it's all part of the show and everything is under control, when suddenly the chain snaps! With one arm free, Kong lets out a ferocious ROAR as reaches for a native and throws him across the room. With the audience trapped in the theatre, Carl makes a dash for the exit as Kong snaps the other chain in half, freeing his other arm, and begins reaking havoc on the theatre, throwing set pieces, tearing balconies off of the walls, grabbing theatre-goers and eating them whole! Lights flicker and the room shakes as Kong continues to go on his rampage. Finally, with one final ROOOOOAR!, Kong jumps through the wall behind the stage, allowing the audience to catch a glimpse of the chaos that begins outside on the snowy streets of New York.

With another ROAR a car flies into the room as Kong continues his angry rampage on the innocent bystanders frantically fleeing the streets outside the theatre. The curtains then close as Carl's assistant (now a little bit banged up) takes center stage to appologize for the danger that the audience has been put into, but before he can finish, there is one final and loud Roar! Kong's arm reaches through the curtains, tearing the poor assistant from the stage. We hear shrieks of terror and pleas for help, until finally, "GULP!" And with that, the lights shut off, and darkness ensues for a few seconds until the lights are brought back up and guests are asked to exit the theatre.
"WOAH," you think to yourself. It was everything you'd hope it would be and more. In fact, the show was so good, you think you may just get in line to experience the attraction again, right after ride on Revenge of the Mummy of course.

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